So I quit bugging her. It's difficult because she doesn't do things the way I do things and it kinda killed me in the beginning not to butt in. But my parents never asked me if I had homework and I did it and got it done because I knew their expectations.
So in the car on the way home yesterday, I mentioned something about not going to 10th grade and she exclaimed that she likes that I'm not going to 10th grade, because she's a lot more relaxed this year than last. I didn't know whether to be elated or deflated. I tend to torture myself over stuff I did in the past, so maybe I was stuck in my mistakes of last year. But I was very happy she was less stressed.
I think I said this in one of my first posts, but someone told me "if you care too much, they have nothing to own." So not only have I removed myself from homework, but I've pulled back on piano practicing, their computer usage during the week, and telling them when to go to bed; they also have to make their own lunches after dinner instead of me doing it in the morning. I also don't get them out of bed, they have to do that themselves too. If they get up late then they have to go into the school on their own and get a tardy. They know my expectations and they know consequences. Because I've given them their freedom, they know if they mess up they lose their freedom.
I know what's going on, I'm very aware of their actions and I ask the kids about their progress and how they are feeling about things. But I am not owning it for them. I still run the household and their schedules, but I have to tell you I am more relaxed than I've ever been after these first 30 days of school. I should write a book for parents: "Less Stress in 30 Days or Less."