Then it hit me, the odd sensation I felt was happiness. I was just happy; I wasn't happy over any particular thing, I just had a feeling of happiness. Some people may think it's crazy to not be able to identify a feeling of happiness. If you were to ask me at any given time, I would tell you I'm happy with my life. But just to "feel" happy is somewhat foreign to me.
For me "feeling" happy means a level of peace where nothing nags at my mind, making me feel guilt over all the things I haven't finished. "Feeling" happy means nothing is bothering me, the kids and husband are satisfied, I have nowhere to be and the world, even if for a fleeting moment, is in harmony. This feeling does not descend upon me very often, and if it does I'm often not in a mind set to capture it and enjoy it.
But I captured it last night. I captured it and sat with it the rest of my night and even have some of it still stowed away this morning. I think in this world, we are taught not to be satisfied or happy with our lives. We are encouraged to always do and be more and never be satisfied with what we have or are right now. I don't mean tomorrow or even when we finish what we are doing at this moment, I mean RIGHT NOW. How often do we sit with the right now and feel satisfied. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive to achieve goals, I'm just saying every once in awhile, we could just sit with who we are and enjoy where we are right now.
Right now I am going to go sit in the autumn sun and enjoy feeling happy.